I met a girl almost two years ago go, we instantly clicked. Like, I mean instantly. From that point on we started speaking a lot and we would see each other every now and again and it was great. After 4 months of dating we finally made it official.
I was worried initially because of the age difference, she had just turned 14 and I was midway to turning 17. But I decided to overlook something as trivial as age because of the way she made me feel. I'd had relationships before her and I thought I loved those girls, but this one. Wow. It was never awkward, not even a tiny little bit. It was as if we had known each other for years already. It was real love, for both of us.
I was her first serious boyfriend, she ended up becoming my longest relationship. We were each others first time and she shared her all of first sexual experiences with me.
We were together for a year and a month, and it was amazing. I know we obviously had our arguments, her being inexperienced in relationships and me never having one this serious before, but looking back the only problems we had were because of the age gap, immaturity on both our part a lot of the time and just plain jealousy.
We got a long so well. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my best friend. We spent almost everyday we could together, which probably wasn't healthy.
Towards the end of the relationship, the last couple of months, I asked if we could have a break. A week apart. We were spending too much time together and I was worried that if we didn't know what it was like to be a part for each other it'd be even harder further down the line when I started to go Uni and stuff.
We managed it, and then go stuck in a routine again.
She said she felt as if I didn't love her, I promised her I did. I did, I still do. But I got hurt by what she was saying, as though I was being accused so I said "well should we just break up then?", so we did.
We stayed in constant contact afterwards. Even melding up the next day and having sex. I went back the next and said I was sorry, and that I wanted to be with her. She said she needed to think. I decided I did to. A week later whilst still talking, she said she wanted to get back together, even pleaded. I said I needed to make sure I was 100%, not just get back in hastily and end up breaking up due to the same problems later down the line.
Another week, I tried again, to her giving the same answer I had given.
A month later while we were still speaking and meeting up she wanted to get back with me, I was over the moon. But unfortunately I was on route to a party my ex girlfriend who I broke up with 8 years a go was having, and she didn't like the fact. She never liked the ex girlfriend in the first place. But I said I'm not just going to cancel my plans because you've turned around and decided you want to be with me. She said if this is what lur relationship is going to be like then I don't want it, I told her she was being silly, I was just having fun. But she said her mind was made up.
I finished work, this is another couple of weeks down the line, she ran to meet me after I finished and asked me back out. I wanted her so much, holding, kissing her, it was perfect. But I still wanted us to think about these problems, and how we'd solve them. So I told her we should see how it goes and try and work things out. I wish I had just said yes.
We kept talking, and eventually I asked again, and she said she didn't want a relationship. She'd been thinking, and she still loved me but a relationship just wasn't what she needed. Not in the near future either, she wanted to go out and enjoy herself and have no worries. I understood, but it hurt so much. Foolishly, we kept talking. I kept thinking about our problems like I had promised, and decided they were fixable. I wanted nothing more than to get back with her.
We started speaking less, I wanted to give her space to miss me and think about what she really wanted. Admittedly, no very much. We still spoke every now and then on the phone.
We started speakinf about 3 weeks a go and it was all normal. After a week I tried again and she said she definitely didn't want to be with me, she just didn't want a relationship.
This hurt me more than anything in my life. I was distraught, I rang her and cried down the phone (pathetic I know)
But I was trying to make her realise how much I wanted her.
This was a week and a half ago, and we haven't been speaking at all. Until today.
Earlier today I was just leaving the gym when I saw her with her Mum, I didn't see her at first, but I heard her call my name and looked behind me to see her walking towards be smiling. We spoke for a bit, it was nice, we were both happy, asked how each other were and she said she was fine, although she didn't make eye contact when she said this. Then her Mum came over and we had a nice chat and then parted ways. My ex seemed genuinely really happy to see me.
Later on in the afternoon I was shopping with a friend and I saw her in the same shop with a guy I've had suspicions she was seeing for the last week. It was like a punch in the stomach. But I thought, no, I want to go say hello and act mature about this. She must have not realised I saw them, because they quickly went around another way and left the shop, obviously to avoid me, I watched them leave. I thought this was just plain rude. I mean, this guy has been friend for years. We were in the same year at school, the same classes. Why hide their relationship? Why is she feeling guilty?
They guy in question has just come out of a 3 year relationship and they've been spending time together for last month or so because of sharing mutual friends. Her best friends are seeing two people who happen to be his best friends so they've been the third wheels when going out to places. He's a friend. We're similar personality wise, but physical appearance and aspirations we're the opposite, my ex is also the complete opposite to his ex, who is a good friend of mine and also the ex girlfriend who had the party my ex didn't want me going to earlier. We both had feelings for the ex girlfriend a few years earlier as well, but he arranged a date before I did, slept with her, and they were together for 3 years.
My real question is, is this a rebound for the both of them? They've both come out of relationships and been forced to spend time and get to know each other at these triple dates.
I'm still willing to try with her, I still love her.
Does their relationship seem more a matter of coincidence? Should I still hold out hope? Is it a rebound?
We broke up 3 months a go..
I know I have to not get involved, on any level at all. Just leave her to it. But is it likely she's moved on or does she just want to experience what it's like to be with someone else? To be intimate with other people? I understand she's young and wants to enjoy life. But even if it's years down the line, I can see myself ending up with her.
Also her parents met when her Mum was a young age and were together until they recently divorced. Could this have anything to do with it?
Sorry for the length of this, but I appreciate and feedback or advice anyone can give me.
Cheers
Phil
Source: http://loveadviceforum.com/break-up-forum-23/i-need-advice-having-troubles-my-ex-girlfriend-3078/
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